Reflection

 When we look back at our lives, however far back - we tend to do so with melancholic remorse. We agonize over the choices we made, or failed to make -with a familiar critical tone that we have been socialized to address ourselves with. We ponder what could have been- if we had pushed a little harder, put in a bit more effort or just submitted that long shot application.

For context, I am typing this from the light of my keyboard at a very late hour on a week day. So part of me feels like I should be fast asleep, lest I miss my alarm tomorrow and move through the day feeling like I got hit by a ton of bricks. But another part has been ruminating on this thought for a while now, and often in the wee hours of the night. So here it finally is- not in short, poetic lines like I love to arrange most of my other thoughts for you ; but in long, prosaic and (as you will notice) meandering form. Still, I want you to take a moment and soak it in, even if the statements I make sound cliched and cheesy. 

I am young, so I have the benefit of time that most who reflect back on their lives often don't . And partly due to consuming  unhealthy doses of Instagram reels that prompt me to be more introspective, I have had to confront the beast that is regret quite early on . Yet, even during those times when I am obliged to feel like I am not going the extra mile, I can't shake the feeling that even if I do- it will not actually matter in the long run. Why? Because I am learning (albeit very slowly) that what truly counts is the narrative we tell ourselves about ourselves . 

To my overachievers -this piece is not intended to shade you. Rather, I am prompting you to tilt your head a little and focus inwards. Think of a time when you've really worked your ass off for something and it finally pays off. The rush of adrenaline that floods your senses, riding on the high of having everyone you care about clapping for you and cheering you on. The moment is euphoric, but always short lived. And simply because no amount of external validation will outmatch that little voice that walks with you. 

So- I guess what I am trying to say is- reflect on your life from a perspective filled with grace. And the next time you look back, however far back- be intentional about shamelessly patting yourself on the back. Allow that little voice to advocate for the "wrong" choices you made, the opportunities you failed to take advantage of and the right choices you failed to make. Yes, blame every one and every situation. After all, your life-and by extension your choices, do not exist in a vacuum. They are made in the context of your upbringing, your circumstances, your emotions, your idea of what was right and wrong and everything  in between.So practice reflecting and regretting with a touch of tenderness. Because only then will you develop a genuine appreciation for the life you have created (and are creating) for yourself.